I Smell Esther Williams

By Mark Leyner

A neighborhood theater's construction of targeted Yearnings triggers a string of underground nuclear explosions from St. Louis to Worcester, Massachusetts. a guy frantically swats on the blaze that his female friend has ignited in his trousers, whereas her family members attempts to determine even if his agonized signal language potential "Under the Volcano" or "No Time for Sergeants." Charo, Marianne Faithfull, and Napoleon's sister switch glittering witticisms and pornographic come-ons with languid aesthetes and unhinged suburbanites.

Such situations are only par for the path during this gloriously disorienting quantity by means of Mark Leyner, writer of My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist and Et Tu, Babe, and a author who performs the English language the way in which Jimi Hendrix performed the guitar: at blinding pace, risky quantity, and with an ideal mix of lyricism and sheer threat.

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MUE: in basic terms this, dearest. IRTZY: What? MUE: This. IRTZY: What do you suggest this? This what? MUE: The Hebrews, and that implies me and also you, are dispersing to a heavy beat. IRTZY: Like what beat, you factor. MUE: simply snap your arms and get it, get to it. Get it to it. Uh shma yip uhh yich yisro ya yaka!!!! (Exeunt) B i admire (TO believe YOUR LOVE) VOICES FROM the gang: He doesn’t take the static suggestion of time heavily! He’s hyper-heroic! He’s like menacingly handsome! ENVOY: you're enjoyed by way of my country’s humans, Mr. most popular. TRANSLATOR: “Bilos derung zha afshler biobnz, Di. Premebnz. ” most excellent (nodding and smiling): Er vagator ma wot; af gevunt ben hadis menoritz gool āā pen sodrana helopants banistrosa eeko vantrick al placed, shen so glisso va lamotor ben mu fak. Hhaa … Hho hho! TRANSLATOR: “This makes me hot; there are these in my country’s neighboring areas who may beautify me no longer with laurels and medals of valor, yet with a decent noose round my throat. Haa … Ho ho! ” (A titanic asteroid collides with Earth. ) CROWD: ENVOY: Aaaaaaaaah! TRANSLATOR: “Yaaaaaaaah! ” best: Yaaaaaaaah! Yaaaaaaaah! Yaaaaaaaah! (Fade) THE RIVER glance in my closet. there's a blue double-breasted blazer with gold buttons. it's the afternoon and somebody is staring at us from their couch and consuming cheez doodles. O. K.? Do you pay attention the anvil falling from the sky and amazing you at the head? Now you’re an accordion. I’m placing on my blazer and I’m skipping alongside the river financial institution, enjoying a polka on you. The crippled mice are tossing away their crutches and dancing in the back of me! the lovable mouse girls are screaming and fainting. yet a person with an immense vacuum purifier is chasing us, and sucking the mice up. There is going the final one! Thup! Now I’m sitting on my own at the fringe of the river in my blue blazer, and you’re an accordion. suppose your previous form and let’s opt for a force in my motorboat, in any other case we are going to die. THE BOAT convey glance. I’ve simply back from a used book place. It’s run at the honor process. You pay on the major shop around the highway. It’s effortless to thieve the books. There are economics textbooks, volumes of Shakespeare jam-packed with sophomoric underlining and marginalia, books that folks most likely bought in drugstores and supermarkets earlier than occurring holiday, marriage manuals, and stacks and stacks of nationwide Geographies. That’s transparent, isn’t it? I’ve given a partial checklist in an effort to as a rule represent the store’s inventory. as soon as I stole an paintings journal from where. I felt responsible. in the end, it’s commendable that somebody has religion in people nowadays, and it’s commendable that somebody is supplying books at such affordable costs. extra humans may still learn, correct? So this time I didn’t scouse borrow whatever. I easily went via a couple of piles of contemporary images magazines and ripped out the entire photos of nude girls i may locate. while I bought domestic, I tacked them as much as the partitions of my learn. Are you following me to date? Now i'm searching the window of my learn. i'll attempt to make you spot what I see. With me? O.

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